he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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