I hate all girls vehemently.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Terrible idea I love it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
