How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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