sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
