Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
