This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
