I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I understand Curling. That high.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
