Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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