Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
