i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
