Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
