I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
