if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
