I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Everclear isn't food dammit
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
