omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
