Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
