Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Duck Duck Cougar?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
