I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
