And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
