and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
