God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
