Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
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