Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
