THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
