Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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