i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
