And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
