I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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