New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
