if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
