And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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