Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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