Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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