my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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