your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
