I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
