i just had sex bonerless
My cat gives me a boner
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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