there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
