i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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