is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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