Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
