Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
