WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
