all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
