porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
