I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
