I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
