Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
