Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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