I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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