we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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